This blog will be to confess all my deep, dark and twisty deeds. I can't possibly tell my girlfriends everything; they'll snitch me out to anyone possible. Here in the mire of the webiverse i can confess and tellall what nasty sins i commit on a weekendly basis. I am going to have to start at the beginning and work my way up through the past month and a half, so this blog will have many posts the next week or two as I let it play catch up. All names have been changed, usually to fun names I've found from baby name websites - so they are a bit ridiculous.
My name will be Andromeda. Andromeda Monahan.
Some quick background on me; I'm currently twenty nine years old, i've got three kids whose story won't figure into these confessions much, and i'm a widow. I was married and had kids at eighteen and lost my beloved hubby Dean when i was 21 and pregnant with my middle kid. I had my last kid with, and I was in a relationshit for SEVEN YEARS with, a big loser asshole who we'll just call DICK. We've been together for far too long, each of us trying to hurt the other one back from past hurts, going back and forth forever it seems trying to one-up each other with words and deeds. (though i never cheated on him and i don't believe he did on me.) He lived in my house and i supported him on my own income all that time when all of a sudden he wakes up the last Wednesday in July and says "We're over." and moves out. Bewildered and flabbergasted, i cry for two days the sort of soulwrenching sobs that only come from self loathing from having failed at making our relationshit work, and relief that something so horrible was finally finished. By the time Friday rolled around i was fed up with the sadness and eager to wake up from the torpor that being "married" can put a person in. I decided to hang out at my friend Merrill's house. Merrill's exwife, Lacey, was there as they were on a newly talking but not fucking basis. Lacey and I have been friends for years, but her excursion with her last baby daddy left me out in the cold. (more on THAT drama some other time.) I was excited about spending time with Lacey since she was sort-of-single, and i've been harboring a Bi crush on her for quite some time. We'd fooled around in the past, but never done anything really worth writing about because of my sense of faithfulness to my ex dickhead. While i was hanging out, Merrill was talking me up and telling me to forget my exDick. I said, 'Do you know any single guys who wanna get laid?" sort of as a conversational topic, figuring i'd met everyone Merrill knew in the seven years i've known him. (he was/is a friend of Dick's.) Merrill makes eight phone calls, all to guys i suppose, none of whom answer as it's oneAM on a Friday. The first guy to return the call at onethirty was Marshall. Whom i've never even heard of! Merrill answers the phone: "Heeyyyy whassup man! is your dick lonely tonight? I've got a girl here who's lookin for some one-night friendship!" I look at Merrill like he's lost his fuckin mind and screech at him until his friend shows up. Marshall is one fine piece of ass. I mean, muscular, thin, cut, green eyes and dark hair, a killer smile and an awesome graphic shirt, distressed jeans and clean black Vans on. SOOO my type of guy that i'd follow around if i saw in public. (Just for the record, i'm 5'2, approx. 125 lbs, well proportioned, black hair brown eyes and pretty cute when i want to be. ) this boy was FINE. I think my jaw might have dropped when i saw this fool. I 'm pretty sure i blinked a bunch. I mean, it was seven years since i'd even considered having sex with someone other than my slightly overweight slightly goofy looking Dick. Marshall was indeed Fine. I was getting wet just thinking about it. I was however pretty sure he wasn't going to want to really do anything with me. I mean, i'm just Me and surely this boy can get laid by every cute lil blonde thing out there, right? I know I have my redeeming qualities, but you have to give me a chance to show those off and I thought I wasn't in this boy's league looks-wise and he was for sure leaving any minute. (i've always had issues with self esteem until like, this last week or two, I was an ugly duckling who was teased mercilessly about being pudgy and lacking $ for better wardrobe and makeup advice. So i've little deep self confidence.)
I can't recall if I tried smoking weed for the first time that night or what. The Dick is/was a major pot smoker and I never did it while we were together, thinking that one of us should be the responsible adult. After he up and left, I asked myself why i'd been sacrificing myself all those years for someone who was obviously never going to grow up. I had always been too busy raising young babies to bother with having my own teenage silliness. And before i got knocked up I was really a miss goody goody and never went near anyone who even hinted at drugs sex or even rocknroll. So I'd talked myself into trying to smoke weed on the regular, cause i knew that'd piss ole Dick off to the Nth degree.
However, I remember most of this night I'm writing about, so I'm guessing I wasn't stoned at any rate. I'd always told Dick if I thought we were really over i'd sleep with someone else, so I was game to have sex with Marshall just to get some closure with Dick. ( I know, i know, if you want closure in your relationship, start with your legs)
The night was drawing to a close around 3am and Merrill was taking Lacey to bed when Marshall corners him off to the side and says, "Do you have a room with a bed we could, ah, use?" After an evening of making polite small talk, I overheard this and immediately perked up. Sure enough, one of the kids rooms was empty and Merrill invited him to use it. Marshall walked back over grinning and led me by the small of my back to the room and proceeded to throw some dick on my problems. It was excellent. He had a nice thick one and sure knew how to use it. It was mighty dark, with just a hint of moonlight coming through the window to illuminate his fine bare chest and arms ripped with muscles and drawn over with tattoos. His lips were soft and he wasn't insistent or impatient - just a good all around lover. I came about eight times I believe, which isn't bad considering I was nervous and self conscious as all hell since I hadn't had time before hand to warn him . . . .
Oh snap! I haven't even told YOU! Well ladies, prepare to hate me and/or want to be me.
I'm a multiorgasmic squirter. I come about a hundred times every time I have sex with a guy i'm comfortable with and who knows me, yep, easily a hundred. (the most i've ever counted was 147. ) And what's more, I soak bedsheets with my come the first twenty times or so. After twenty the orgasms turn into lazy body-shuddering ones that don't produce much come unless a guy changes it up a lot but still feel wonderful. And i'm a freak in the bed otherwise - I love giving and recieving oral and I even like anal on occasion. I'm also really super easy to get off - I can come just from kissing and no other body touching whatsoever, if the kiss is hot enough. In like ten seconds. In fact all my life I've never had a makeout session that didn't end in sex, because first kisses/sessions like that usually result in my coming in my pants and feeling bad that I orgasmed and they haven't. So I fuck em. And I come a hundred more times during sex and it's still not fair, but hey at least the other party gets to run the race, right? (it's not my fault I run laps around em eighty times or so before the race is over, y'know) I honestly think my sexuality results from my body producing more-than-normal amounts of dopamine. Seriously. More on my hypothesis later - the point of my telling you this is, I hadn't warned Marshall about the fact i'd be coming every minute or so and leaving a pool of cum on the sheets i'd have to wash up later. This made me nervous; some guys have gotten the worng idean and thought i'd wet the bed or something. When I'm nervous I can actually keep myself from coming. It's pure torture actually but I can. In fact I have almost total control over my orgasms - I can come on demand too if the guy is being dominant and telling me when to. Anyways, I was stopping myself from coming so much with Marshall so hopefully we wouldn't be swimming by the end. When he came, he shouted "oh damn" and of course I came too because there's nothing hotter to me than hearing a man come inside me (yes yes condom usage everywhere i'm no stupid whore, just a Ho. ) I tried to explain my ways afterward since he mentioned "Damn girl, you're wet" but it's not nice to really tell a man afterwards 'That's just how i am, it has nothing to do with your prowess buddy - in fact this here ain't nothin, you should see what i can really do.' Before hand to warn a guy I usually just say, "I'm a multi orgasmic Squirter and we need a towel. Seriously. " Which of course intrigues men to no end. They simply Must play with me like a toy then, which is nice in its own way, and usually when I come the first time really good for a guy I hear "That's awesome!" more often than not, or, "No way!"
At any rate, I semi-explained myself to the guy, he asked me why in the world my ex would leave me and I said I had no clue except he'd been spending a lot of time with this female named Tatum who used to come over and smoke pot with him so I thought maybe they'd been fucking. Marshall asked me if I thought Tatum was prettier than me. "No, " i said, as he got dressed and got ready to leave, "She's eighteen and has big tits and is kind of thick. She's an airhead and Dick hates airheaded girls." It was kind of at that moment i realized that maybe Dick was just wanting a break. However, nothing could be done about it by then. I'd screwed the proverbial pooch.
He certainly was an excellent pup.
And that's my first excursion back into the world of men. I'll pick up next time with the happenings of the next day. . .
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