2. On sex, drugs and puppies

Perhaps I should start this time with a disclaimer. Yes these events are true. No I do not suggest my way is a healthy way in which to live one's life; quite the contrary actually. It's just sort of what's happened along this twisted path of mine. Many of the events sort of rumbled along and swept me up in their path, and yes many of them are of my own evil design. I'm having trouble remembering many details, so sometimes the dialogue will be embellished a bit, but the events are there in my life - I couldn't possibly dream this shit up.
On sex; what I meant about my having more dopamine in me than others seems to be the only logical explanation for a lot of why I enjoy things more than others it seems. I'm apparently part masochist, I recently discovered, from biting myself on my inner arm during some recent fantastic bouts of sex. I kind of proved my dopamine-level theory to myself this past weekend when I got my tongue pierced. After the tattooed girl put the bolt through my tongue I went to the mirror to look at it under the bright flourescent lights and my pupils were blown out so that I looked like an owl, and I hadn't taken anything all day nor had any sort of drinks before. Drugs and liquor cause your body to produce dopamine in response to the chemicals in them. It's why drugs are called Dope. And dope's what causes the feel-wonderful feelings and any other bodily reactions you get from drugs. So if my pupils were blown - and I have to admit, I felt a sharp sharp pain and then my head got hot and I didn't feel any more soreness or anything that night - then I must have been full of dope from somewhere, and more-than-normal levels at that to incur oversize pupils. And I'm merely guessing that an overdose of dope is what causes me to react the way I do to touch during sex, and how I react to really good foods. I make some truly near-orgasmic cookies, let me tell you - even my friends have said that I make killer cookies. I think my brain just pumps out way more dope than the average brain - which is why anytime I've tried hard drugs i've woke up with a killer hangoverheadache - overdosing without overdosing. Which is why I've only ever Tried hard drugs and never Did hard drugs. Too rough for me. Much too much. Lots of acquaintances have regaled me with tales of how wonderful Coke is, but I've never even had the desire after hearing a description of what it does, because personally I've got the same kind of feeling before from really great sex, and I'd rather have sex than cocaine. You don't usually get busted for great sex. Well, check that, I guess i've gotten knocked up three times so I sort of Did get busted for sex, huh? (maybe I Should try Cocaine.)I've paid my dues though, served my time - my kids are all school age now so my days have been given back to me for over a year now. Free at last, Free at last! Last year I sort of wandered around my house in a stupified torpor, not knowing what to do with all the time laid out before me. This year, Apparently, my time will be filled with plotting my own demise-by-dick.
On puppies; I've decided that women are all bitches; when we're "in heat" we're vicious to other females and ruthless in our hunt for a hot Dog to service us. And we do tend to bark at everyone a lot. Men are dogs, of course. And lately I've had a lot of puppies following me around. Puppies - younger men who wish only to hump my leg and who haven't been housetrained even. (meaning they are mediocre at sex but are certainly eager to be near me and possibly be having sex.) My exDick was/is definitely housetrained. Leashtrained, sociable, never bit anyone, happy-go-lucky even. I think I may have kicked him a few too many times, in retrospect. He was a dog, for sure - But housetrained - oh my yes, that man is certainly that. His new girl has even told him to thank me for teaching him all he knows. And it was a lot me, not to toot my own horn or nothin, but I was constantly upping the sex stakes with him by introducing new fun things to do in bed to try and keep our relationshit spicy. So he was always learning, just as I was always learning from reading and devouring romance novels for new fun positions and ideas on adventurous sex. In fact, come to think of it, his new girl better bring her top game cause he's gonna get bored out of his mind in a year's time. Lord knows if he suggests anything new and fun, she'll be all "Did you do that with Her?" Cause she's a bitch just like me. We're all alike.